Yes. My answer is yes, I really do think I'm hot shit. As my instagram tagline has read for months now.
But see here's the thing...I don't think I'm supermodel gorgeous by any means. I could never be on the cover of a magazine (unless we're talking like, Penthouse, and even then I'd probably get a quarter size inside insert at best) nor could I walk the runway for New York Fashion Week. Ain't ever gonna happen for me and I absolutely embrace that fact.
Because I know I'm not completely out of the game. I may not be supermodel status, but I also know I'm no Lena Dunham. See, I'm what some like to call "trashy hot." You know, the one who is stumbling down the beach with half an ass cheek hanging out, not quite sure where she's going, yet who looks like a total knockout doing so. The one who may have had a shot too many, but my shirt is tight and my boobs are big so I still come out ahead.
I never get compared to Gisele or any of the Victoria's Secret models, but I do constantly hear I resemble that hot mess Brandi from Storage Wars. (I did a blog post on the similarities between the two of us here.) She isn't what model scouts look for in a prospect but she is and has remained at the top of the list when it comes to what men find sexy. Does it have something to do with her big huge boobs and raunchy attitude? Perhaps. But but...does it matter?
I like holes in my jeans. I like short shorts. I like tight pants and revealing bikinis and skimpy skirts. I like not wearing a bra and I like getting attention for all of it. And if that makes me trashy then I like being trashy. Capital "T" give it to me I'll wear it loud and proud.
Does this mean I can't attend a high class event with the President of the United States and act every bit a lady? Of course not. I can hang with the best of them. Does this mean I won't sneak in a few mini bottles and take mini shots every time I go to the bathroom? Silly...I may be trashy but I'm no blockhead.
Does this mean I can't attend a high class event with the President of the United States and act every bit a lady? Of course not. I can hang with the best of them. Does this mean I won't sneak in a few mini bottles and take mini shots every time I go to the bathroom? Silly...I may be trashy but I'm no blockhead.
And I really don't want to hear "men bang the trashies but marry the classies" 'cause no sweetie, trashies can be as loyal and faithful as they come, but I bet they are way more fun in bed and I guarantee they can rock a studded cutoff jean short better than some 9 to 5 stuffy cardigan wearing honey.
I mean, I've gotten in trouble twice for my attire at the country club. Trouble, as in I was asked to leave the premises and please don't come back until I'm dressed "appropriately," whatever that means. However, I later found out that the one who complained about my inappropriate clothing choice was an older gentlewoman that was displeased with her husband staring at my rack as they were trying to eat their dinner. So basically, I was dressed too provocative (my tank top wasn't even spaghetti straps! Gosh!) aka "trashy" and men were looking.
Sue me.
And I ain't even mad about it! 'Cause "trashy" to that broad was "sexy" to her husband and I ain't even trying to get intimate with women so I'll take the male's perspective any day. (Side note: in no way am I condoning nor am I the type that would ever try to get a taken man to stray. Those women types are disgusting and deserve to have Lena Dunham sit on their face as punishment. I'm just pointing out that when women screech "trashy! She's so trashy!" it's usually code for "I'm insecure and want to eliminate that person from my man's eye view." Also known as: not my problem.)
More specifically, I may be a shoddy one, but in a group setting, I'm always the hottest shoddy.
And truthfully? I'm totally okay with that. In fact, I'm borderline proud of it. I may just tattoo that ish on my derriere, right next to my husband's name on my left butt cheek.
Speaking of being classy, I read once in a an article where the author said "classy girls should never pose with a drink in their hand. It's just not very becoming or attractive."
Listen skank. I'll pose with as many drinks in my hand as I want and I guarantee my picture will get more likes than yours.
What's that??
ARE
YOU
TRYING
TO
SAY
CLASSY
GIRLS
SHOULDN'T
POSE
WITH
ALCOHOLIC
DRINKS
IN
THEIR
PHOTOS?
WHY
IS
THAT?
OH
I
KNOW...
CAUSE
YOU
ARE
A
LAME
BATTLE-AX.
I CAN DRINK TO THAT!
I love you and I think you're gorgeous and this is an awesome post :)
ReplyDeleteI love how honest and to the point you are! :) #cantgetenoughraven
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why you got Rob.
ReplyDeleteExactly Giselle!! You feel me girl. #fistbump
DeleteBut you see G-baby, those other girls don't have the golden fishwhistle. I do.
DeleteMy point exactly. That's ALL you've got going for you Raven - your golden fish whistle. And by your account, that's all a girl needs. Well the girls we are talking about are currently VERY young. Believe me - in 10, 15 years time their fish whistles will be sparkling and yours won't.
DeleteWahhahahahahahhahahaha. By posting our exchange on Instagram, you just showed that you didn't "win". In fact, you just gave me the pleasure of knowing that I REALLY got to you. I kind of felt embarrassed for you that you didn't catch the irony of my first comment. Now go update your Instagram ;)
DeleteAnd I put it on IG so others could laugh along with me. You anon types are so flippin funny I feel selfish keeping you all to myself. Read: we all think you're pathetic. And scurred. So very very scurred.
Delete"but my shirt is tight and my boobs are big so I still come out ahead."
ReplyDeleteSo many tears of laughter. Raven, for the win.
Classic DQTR. Love it.
ReplyDeleteI think more people in general should think they are hot shit including Lena Dunham. I don't think we should put her down for being on the pudgy side. She is hot in her own way, just as you are and everyone else.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't saying Lena isn't hot 'cause she's pudgy. I was using her as a reference because I think she is disgusting inside and just a disgrace to women everywhere. Has nothing to do with her lady lumps ;)
DeleteRemind me again where I should send your I heart Lena shirt?
DeleteI think your great and honest! I love reading your posts because your real! Some "blog people" act like everything is so happy and fake all the time and you just keep it real. Don't ever change :)
ReplyDeletebahahahahahha! this is the best thing ever! I LOVE it and you!
ReplyDeleteAs always, you crack me up! I would rather be fun than boring or plain... just sayin ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are too pretty and have too nice of a body to be wearing those thick bikini ties up top...get a string bikini. ; )
ReplyDeleteFantastic freaking post!! Love it!
ReplyDeleteCan't. Stop. Laughing!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou make a great point .... why is it "empowering" when a female such as Lena is half nude, and NUDE on tv, but people call what you're doing trashy? If you've got it, flaunt it, if you are confident, flaunt it. Women cutting down other women is what ruins us all in the end... keep up the great work girl and keep fighting the good fight, that of being yourself!!! Unapologetically!
I like that you've owned the trashy, hot mess mentality / look and you're OK with that. You my dear, are NOT trashy, but it's like when people say "She's a bitch..." I own it... and I"m ok with it because I KNOW I'm bitchy, and I can be a bitch - you give these terms a positive spin - one I can totally and 100% get behind!!!
PS If I had your rack, and body I'd do it too - but what shines the brightest is your personality. You like to have fun, you don't BS anyone you are who you are and that's what I love about ya! :) If you didn't have a great personality you might be just another tart, but darlin' you can hold your own against all the haters AND the nay sayers and STILL have fun.
PSS If posing with a drink makes you trashy... well then sign me up to the trashy club!
And this is why we would be besties. Fist bump to being hot messes with no shame. Sorry I'm better than all y'all? But not sorry.
ReplyDeleteI suddenly want to dance on a table...
ReplyDeleteMaybe your younger-child could take our pic ;)
<3, LJ.
Ha ha!!! I ♥ this post!!! I have no shame in admitting I drink wine... and I drink it often. So sue me. I enjoy it, don't get drunk, work a professional job, pay my bills, and keep up my house. I'll drink if I want to!!
ReplyDeleteOMG. Can we be best friends?
ReplyDeleteI feel so terrible sorry for your children and family. What an embarrassment you must be to them.
ReplyDeleteReally!?! I feel sorry for the fact that you can't even have balls enough to comment as your self! You have to hide behind an anonymous profile and be pathetic!
DeleteOh my god these anonymous comments!! I love reading your blog and don't think I've ever commented before? Yes, we all think you're hot shit, keep having fun in life girl, it's a BLAST to read!
ReplyDeleteHey Raven ... it's Nik from Australia here (I can only post anonymously because it won't let me do anything else). I personally love the anonymous comments as in responding to them it gives you an opportunity to highlight how fabulous you really are. Keep poking the bear(s). It's so entertaining!!!
ReplyDeleteHaha I even hold other people's drinks in pictures because I want to be like the cool kids! Adult beverages = the best photo prop!
ReplyDeleteYou're an ugly cunt and your husband cheats on you.
ReplyDeleteMy passion for love and life has made me to take to the internet to
ReplyDeletewarn internet users particularly those in search of solution to their
problems to beware of and avoid comments about spell caster that can
use their magical power in helping you out with your problems. i don't
want anyone to be fooled because i was a victim of this fraudsters
who claimed to be spell casters. i am jennifer mills and i was having
a difficult time in my relationship as i couldn't give birth to a
child. Although my husband loved me very much as it were,we kept on
hoping and for 6years there weren't any sign of breakthrough .As days
goes by,i will always weep because at that time i was really down.
Even though my husband tried to always be by my side,only time would
tell as he couldn't cope with pressure from friends and had to leave
me for another lady. i was now left to face my problem alone even
though my mom would always talk to me and console me on phone. Things
went from bad to worse when i was sacked from the private organization
i was working because been happily married was a criteria that was
needed and that i was now lacking owing to my barrenness that made my
husband leave me for another lady leaving me single. I kept on
searching and hoping i would find a solution to my problem but there
wasn't any coming. I contacted lots of spell caster as i saw them on
the internet but all were scams as they demanded money from me
frequently and nothing happened. i had to relocate from Texas city
United state to Jamaica where my mom was residing and also because i
became racially abused because of my color .I spent 4 months with my
mom and together we kept on looking for solution,still to no avail.
There came a faithful day when i met my high school mate who knew i
was happily married and living in Texas city United state with my
husband and had to ask why i flew back to Jamaica. I explained my
problem to her and with sincere desire in wanting my problems solved
she led me to DR JAMIN ABAYOMI. Although i was doubtful but soon as i
explained my problem to him,he laughed and gave me a maximum of
72hours for my husband to come back and for me to become pregnant. I
did all i was asked to do which included me traveling back to Texas
city United state. I traveled back to Texas city united state,on my
arrival during the early hours of the morning,my phone rang and guess
who?it was my husband who called asking for my forgiveness and saying
he was coming back home. He came few hours later and on his knees he
pleaded for forgiveness. Although it was a tough decision for me to
make because of all the pains i have been through. I love him and
needed him back so i had no option but to forgive him. we sat together
and while i was resting my head on his chest we had romantic
conversation and talked about things that we have never spoken about
and like husband and wife the urge came to have sex and we had sex for
a very long time that day. The next day which was still within the
72hours given by DOCTOR JAMIN ABAYOMI i felt something different in my
body and immediately i went for a check up and to my greatest
surprise,i was pregnant. How possible could this be but it happened
and am very thankful also my skin color that made me racially abused
was changed to the preferred and know we are now happily married again
and no racially discrimination. All thanks to DR JAMIN ABAYOMI for his
solution.
ARE YOU FACED WITH SIMILAR PROBLEM OR ANY KIND OF PROBLEM.PLEASE KNOW
THAT DR JAMIN ABAYOMI isn't on the internet so kindly contact him via
EMAIL:drjaminremedy@outlook.com
You know why you're unattractive? Because this entire post was you comparing yourself to other women and putting them down for the type of jobs they have and the clothing they choose. You made judgments about their relationships and insisted that all of these hypothetical women were insecure, unhappy, and jealous.
ReplyDeleteYou're projecting so hard.
A beautiful woman doesn't validate herself by comparing herself to others and especially not by putting them down.
(I just got back to my blog and am catching up...) Hahahaha I love you and this post!
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