As I was rummaging through facebook last night (you can find me here) I came upon a status update from "Gun Owners of The United States." (A different post for a different day.) Below is what it said:
I drive a truck. I work with my hands. I drink beer and whiskey. I take my coffee black. My 5 o'clock shadow is 4 days old. I got a rough exterior but a heart of gold. I live by a set of traditional American values. I'd take a weekend in the mountains over a weekend in the city any day. I shoot guns and love my country. My dog is my best friend and everything else is a distant second to my family. I am a dying breed. I am the American man.
THAT, is my husband to a T. That is the kind of man I actively aspired to marry. That is the kind of man I want my boys to grow up and be like. That is the kind of man I respect and that is the kind of man I love.
And it's funny. Because a lot of the time, I think women today don't appreciate a real man. The "women's movement," whose goal is to empower and help women, have told their own kind that men aren't really needed. That men are irrelevant, replaceable, and God forbid "don't ever let a man tell you what to do" or they are brutes, barbarians, and are trying to diminish your existence as a female human.
I don't know about you, but let me tell you about my personal experience...
When I first met my husband, he pursued me. I rejected him at first - a few times - for various reasons (and it wasn't because he had an awesome ass), but he never gave up. After asking me out in person, a few slips of his business card and one brightly colored rose left on my car windshield, I finally agreed to go out with him. On that first date? He paid for everything. Had he not paid for everything? I would have never agreed to see him again. Was that because I was a money hungry gold digging honey?
Quite the opposite. I knew my worth and I also understood how men worked. If he wanted the honor of taking me out on a date, he was going to pay for it, pun absolutely intended. People value more what they have to work for. I can't even tell you what I would do if a guy asked me out on a date and insisted on going dutch. I would probably pay my share and walk out without saying a word, and then warn all my girlfriends what a douche he was and to stay far away. The extreme feminists, who are supposed to have your best interests at heart, will have you believe that a man who insists you pay your own way is "beneficial" to your well being, to your place in this world as a woman.
What the f*ck does that even mean? I am here to tell you that it absolutely does not belittle or cheapen your womanly virtues to have a man work for your attention. To have a man put forth extra effort to spend time with you. That it absolutely does not debase you as a woman to have a man provide for you and protect you. Yes I know you can open a door by yourself but isn't it nice when a sweet studly man does it for you? Yet so many women out there will tell you the opposite.
After my husband wooed me and we got married (he paid for the ring, the parts of the wedding my parent's didn't and oh yeah, no prenup), and when we decided to have children, he didn't even bat an eyelash when I said I would be staying home full-time to raise our children. In fact, he said it was what he expected. And right then and there I fell in love with him all over again, because I knew he realized and valued the importance of a stay-at-home mother. He has never, ever, made me feel less than for not working outside the home. And to have my husband's support in something that I feel so strongly makes me a fulfilled woman means the world to me.
But then again, since I do stay home full time, my husband also expects a tidy home and dinner every night. But let me clarify: what he does not expect is a "spit-shined model home" nor dinner piping hot the minute he walks in the door. Almost always, whenever he walks in the house after a days work, the house is in chaos. Kids running ramped, toys strewn everywhere and there is usually piles of clean laundry on the living room couch. But every night after the kids go to bed, I take about twenty minutes and pick up the house, make it orderly and comfy. No he doesn't have dinner waiting for him the second he gets home but he does eventually get fed, and he doesn't complain when we are eating in front of the TV watching the 10 o'clock news.
He doesn't complain because he's a real man and he knows that staying home with kids is hard work. And I don't complain when he comes home and kicks his feet up to watch a little football because holy hell, he got up at 5 am and worked his body to the bone. And he gets up every day and works hard for me. For our kids. He makes so many sacrifices daily so I can have the opportunity to stay home with my kids. So we can have nice things, take vacations. And he does it every single day because he prides himself on taking care of his family.
And guess what. Sometimes my husband does tell me what to do. And sometimes I tell him what to do. And I do it, because he never tells me to do anything harmful or to do anything that devalues me as a person. It's called marriage and it's about give and take and respect and I think I'll go ahead and trust that my husband has my best interests at heart and not those "other people."
No, I'm not "lucky." I didn't blindly stick my hand into the pot and pull out a provider and protector. I chose wisely. Like I've said before: I told my husband on our second date, "I plan on one day being a stay-at-home mom so if that is something you don't believe in, thank you for dinner but let's go our separate ways because I will never budge when it comes to my stance on this subject."
Now here we are, ten years and two kids later. Yes, we have had our tough times. I've made no secret of the fact that we have our counselor on speed dial as she is crucial to our success as a married couple. We fight, bad sometimes. But at the end of the day, we have a mutual respect for each other. I love being mother hen, I love being a homemaker and I love making our home a "home" for my husband. And I love that my husband supports my decisions and respects the sacrifices I make for our family.
And if that isn't female empowerment, then I don't know what is.
And it's funny. Because a lot of the time, I think women today don't appreciate a real man. The "women's movement," whose goal is to empower and help women, have told their own kind that men aren't really needed. That men are irrelevant, replaceable, and God forbid "don't ever let a man tell you what to do" or they are brutes, barbarians, and are trying to diminish your existence as a female human.
I don't know about you, but let me tell you about my personal experience...
When I first met my husband, he pursued me. I rejected him at first - a few times - for various reasons (and it wasn't because he had an awesome ass), but he never gave up. After asking me out in person, a few slips of his business card and one brightly colored rose left on my car windshield, I finally agreed to go out with him. On that first date? He paid for everything. Had he not paid for everything? I would have never agreed to see him again. Was that because I was a money hungry gold digging honey?
Quite the opposite. I knew my worth and I also understood how men worked. If he wanted the honor of taking me out on a date, he was going to pay for it, pun absolutely intended. People value more what they have to work for. I can't even tell you what I would do if a guy asked me out on a date and insisted on going dutch. I would probably pay my share and walk out without saying a word, and then warn all my girlfriends what a douche he was and to stay far away. The extreme feminists, who are supposed to have your best interests at heart, will have you believe that a man who insists you pay your own way is "beneficial" to your well being, to your place in this world as a woman.
What the f*ck does that even mean? I am here to tell you that it absolutely does not belittle or cheapen your womanly virtues to have a man work for your attention. To have a man put forth extra effort to spend time with you. That it absolutely does not debase you as a woman to have a man provide for you and protect you. Yes I know you can open a door by yourself but isn't it nice when a sweet studly man does it for you? Yet so many women out there will tell you the opposite.
After my husband wooed me and we got married (he paid for the ring, the parts of the wedding my parent's didn't and oh yeah, no prenup), and when we decided to have children, he didn't even bat an eyelash when I said I would be staying home full-time to raise our children. In fact, he said it was what he expected. And right then and there I fell in love with him all over again, because I knew he realized and valued the importance of a stay-at-home mother. He has never, ever, made me feel less than for not working outside the home. And to have my husband's support in something that I feel so strongly makes me a fulfilled woman means the world to me.
But then again, since I do stay home full time, my husband also expects a tidy home and dinner every night. But let me clarify: what he does not expect is a "spit-shined model home" nor dinner piping hot the minute he walks in the door. Almost always, whenever he walks in the house after a days work, the house is in chaos. Kids running ramped, toys strewn everywhere and there is usually piles of clean laundry on the living room couch. But every night after the kids go to bed, I take about twenty minutes and pick up the house, make it orderly and comfy. No he doesn't have dinner waiting for him the second he gets home but he does eventually get fed, and he doesn't complain when we are eating in front of the TV watching the 10 o'clock news.
He doesn't complain because he's a real man and he knows that staying home with kids is hard work. And I don't complain when he comes home and kicks his feet up to watch a little football because holy hell, he got up at 5 am and worked his body to the bone. And he gets up every day and works hard for me. For our kids. He makes so many sacrifices daily so I can have the opportunity to stay home with my kids. So we can have nice things, take vacations. And he does it every single day because he prides himself on taking care of his family.
And guess what. Sometimes my husband does tell me what to do. And sometimes I tell him what to do. And I do it, because he never tells me to do anything harmful or to do anything that devalues me as a person. It's called marriage and it's about give and take and respect and I think I'll go ahead and trust that my husband has my best interests at heart and not those "other people."
No, I'm not "lucky." I didn't blindly stick my hand into the pot and pull out a provider and protector. I chose wisely. Like I've said before: I told my husband on our second date, "I plan on one day being a stay-at-home mom so if that is something you don't believe in, thank you for dinner but let's go our separate ways because I will never budge when it comes to my stance on this subject."
Now here we are, ten years and two kids later. Yes, we have had our tough times. I've made no secret of the fact that we have our counselor on speed dial as she is crucial to our success as a married couple. We fight, bad sometimes. But at the end of the day, we have a mutual respect for each other. I love being mother hen, I love being a homemaker and I love making our home a "home" for my husband. And I love that my husband supports my decisions and respects the sacrifices I make for our family.
And if that isn't female empowerment, then I don't know what is.
This is exactly why I'm still single. I'm 25 and all the guys my age still act like entitled little brats. Waiting for my All-American hottie of a MAN! Loved this post.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. That's why when I was 25 I married a guy 15 years old, ha! Maybe you need to up the age limit? (Just kidding. I'm sure there are some 20something "real men" out there but I agree with you, they are hard to find! Then again so are good women, you're match is out there!
DeleteThe “American Man” is such an endangered species. Today a 12 year old boy held back from his pack to hold open my door. I thought to myself, what a nice young man, he will go far. Not to take away from his good deed but then I instantly realized that 80% of his kind wouldn’t have done the same and I was a bit sad for what the world has become.
ReplyDeleteOur 12 year anniversary is this weekend, and this post is PERFECT. That "American Man" is my husband to a 'T'. I knew I had a better shot at getting that by marrying a military man, vs. the guys I grew up with. Love this.
ReplyDeleteI don't want you to take this the wrong way, because I enjoy your blog and love reading your perspective on different topics whether I agree with you or not, I appreciate your guts to put your opinion out there and let your voice be heard. But I've got to defend my man, and guys like him on this one. My boyfriend (of four years) isn't the kind to hunt or do hard manual labor for a living, but he's still a "Real Man." Just like a lot of stereotypes about women are hard for us to fit in to, so is the "American Man" stereotype for a lot of men. My boyfriend will never fit into that category. He cares about his appearance, he works hard...but in an office setting, he drives a sports car, he's only 25, and to be frank, he's black - and while it doesn't say in that description whether or not the "American Man" is white, I'm sure about 95% of the people who read that status update will picture a white man. However, that doesn't mean he doesn't go out of his way to impress me. He has better manners than anyone I've ever met, holds the door open for anyone and treats everyone with greater respect than they deserve and, like your husband, he had to work to win my heart. But that's because I expect both of us to treat each other as our equal, and we do, like you said, a mutual respect.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's fair for us to label a very specific kind of person as a "Real Man" or "The American Man" because, you're right, only a small number fit into that exact description, but that doesn't mean they are the only ones who deserve to be labeled in such high regard. How do we expect this kind of hard-working gentleman breed to live on, if we only allow so few men to be "titled" in that way? Just like you said your choice of being a stay-at-home mom should be considered women's empowerment (which you are very much right, it should be since it was your choice) - men who don't exactly fit into this Gun Owners of the US description of the American Man should still be considered as American men.
I don't believe Raven's intent was to put down men who don't work with their hands and enjoy camping. What defines a real man is more about how he treats others- specifically, in this case, his wife or girlfriend. If your guy works in an office and enjoys the city life but still respects you, takes care of you, and supports your decisions in life - then he's a real man.
DeleteYes I agree with Jocely's comment. Raven does not believe that a real man is only a white man who does hard work with his hands. I don't see why, Chelsea, you would think your boyfriend wouldn't fit into that roll because he isn't white. I'm not saying that is a snarky way. You should feel confident with your relationship, not feel like you have to defend it. People reading this post probably will picture a white guy, but that is because Raven is talking specifically about her guy and on the top of the post there is a picture of her husband and he just happens to be white.
DeleteI agree with you 100% Chelsea. I think labelling this type of man as the picture of a "real man" is wrong. My husband is a real man who in an extremely intelligent engineer who loathes guns, never watches sports and is an equal caretaker of our home. That is how I will raise my boys as well. I think the American "real man" ideal is a stereotype that is fine if that's what some people want, but by no means the best or only definition of what we expect out of American men.
DeleteIt's silly that you took my post that way, of COURSE black men can be real men also, just as men who work in an office setting can be and men who drive a sports car. (When I got married my husband had a mercedes convertible and he very much cares about his appearance.) I would never have never discriminated against a race, and to be frank with you Chelsea, I have dated plenty of black men and some were amazing gentlemen that embodied the "real american man" for me and others were worthless pieces of shit, as were many white men I dated and I feel so silly even typing this reply and discussing the difference in the races because that is absolutely not what I meant WHAT SO EVER but people can always read things the wrong way so I wanted to set the record straight.
DeleteAnd Ashley (you know I love you even when we disagree) but what I said above in my post IS a real man, to ME. I understand completely other women don't agree, and since I think you appreciate my honesty as I do yours, I also believe that is why there are so many divorces and people are so flippant about marriage these days but again, my opinion. And hey, it's worked for me so far! ;)
DeleteThe point about my boyfriend's race is only a tiny, tiny part of this. I only added that element because I'm sure a lot of people would picture a white man if they read the Gun Owners Facebook page status. I'm just saying that labeling this small group of very specific men as the "real men" or "American men" is a super hard expectation and we should be instead only focusing on whether or not these men treat people right. Your husbands treat you well? Good, they are real men because of that and nothing else. But by adding on that to be "the dying breed of American men" they must also drink whiskey, go hunting and camping and work with their hands, as the Facebook status suggests is just ridiculous. I realize that Raven's husband actually does fit into this mold and this post is really about supporting him and honoring him because he is that kind of man, and I totally respect that. By no means did I take this post to be Raven saying black men don't fit this mold, it's silly to think my comment is only about race when it's clearly not. My point is that instead of the details about trucks and guns, we should solely focus on the heart and character to define what a real man or the American man is.
DeleteYou did say this "I think women today don't appreciate a real man" which implies that you believe that your definition is a definition of a real man.
DeleteAnd you are correct! I do appreciate your honesty which is why I stick around even though I don't think we agree on anything, lol!! I think we have a lot of common in the parenting arena, your boys are adorable, you are funny and hot and we both survived time in the slammer. :) Even though the fact that you follow 100% Fed Up on Instagram makes me want to get a lobotomy, I will continue to follow you, ha!
Amen sister! I'm going to post this on my FB page :)
ReplyDeleteI love what you have wrote about how you were honest on that date about what you wanted for your future. I think that sometimes we as women are afraid to do that in fear that the guy will run awayif we bring up these long term plans. This seems to be especially true if they are not looking towards marriage. It is so important for any woman and espeically younger women to know that they don't have to settle for a guy who doesn't appreciate or respect them. We all know there are great "real men" out there and luckily I'm married to one. But does anyone else notice that that these days it sure seems like some women are putting up with things from their men that we never would? I agree with almost everything you wrote however, I do want to point out
ReplyDeletethat many women like myself do not have a choice and have to work outside the home too. I think it's great that your man never makes you feel less than for working inside the home. And in my opinion,a real man also never makes his wife feel less than for working outside the home.
I feel like you misunderstand what feminism is after reading this. A feminist is a person who simply believes men and women are equal. For example, it is wonderful you want to stay home with your children so long as it's what you want. It is fine for you to do the housework, but if you need help and ask for it, he shouldn't feel like that housework is exclusively the woman's job. He should pitch in when needed. Lastly, the description of the "American Man" could also describe a woman, too.
ReplyDeleteWoman who hate men or hold themselves above men are not feminist (even if they claim to be). To say a men are below women or should not be allowed to be stay at home fathers is not feminism because that attitude does not support gender equality.
In the end, do what you want, love who you want and don't let anyone tell you you can because of your gender.
Raven, the person above does have good valid points as well.
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DeleteYes, but as Raven has said before (and I agree) - men and women are not equal. They are totally different and suited for different things both physically and emotionally. That's how God created them. That doesn't mean that one is better than the other, just that they are different.
DeleteMen and women ARE equal. Equally important. Equally valued. They are not identical.
DeleteIn my marriage, we are equal. My opinion counts just as much as my husband's opinion in making decisions which impact our family.
Feminism isn't about hating men or wanting to be men or to shoo women out of the home and into the workplace. Feminism is about caring about both men and women and making sure that both men and women are valued and respected and treated as important. Feminism, in my view, stands up against archaic viewpoints that counted women as property, owned first by their fathers and then their husbands. Less than 50 years ago in this country a married woman could not get a credit card in her own name from most banks, nor could she open a checking account without her husband's signature. A hundred years ago a woman did not inherit her father's property when he died; her husband did. A hundred years ago in this country, if a woman wanted to work, her career choices were secretary, librarian, teacher or nun. Feminism says that women are people, and that their wants, needs and desires are important. I respect a stay at home mother as much as I respect a career professional; one is not better than the other. Both are wonderful so long as a woman is choosing her path, not having it dictated to her.
To me equal means "the same as" as in mathematics, i.e 2+2 equals 4. Men and women are not "the same as" each other. They are totally different in their physical, emotional and mental make-up.
DeleteThey are equal in value - depending on what the task at hand. If you had a flat tire on the side of the road, which one, you or your husband, would jump out and change it? Unless you are way bigger and stronger than your man, I bet it's him. Which is fine. You are not equal in that circumstance.
Both opinions counting doesn't mean equal. It just means fair - not the same thing.
tkvrba, I absolutely agree with everything you said. When I talk about feminists in that way, I mean the extreme feminists. The man haters, and we all know there are PLENTY of them out there. You absolutely have valid points, and trust me, I do ask my husband to help with the housework and he would never say "forget it, that's your job."
DeleteWhat you described is a normal feminist, not one who is "extreme" and we all know there are extremes of every different category. (Extreme republicans, extreme democrats, extreme anything is never good ;) )
And Maria!! I have missed you :)
DeleteYou are right on the money. When I say not equal I meant just what you described, we are NOT the same physically, emotionally, etc. I am absolutely not equal when it comes to how much heavy fire wood my husband can lift. And he would never expect me to match him pound for pound because he knows we are inherently different. You said it perfectly.
@barnmaven... you better believe my opinion counts just as much when it comes to making decisions that impact this family. Absolutely!!!! And seriously I lol'ed (in a good way) when you said feminism now is standing up against archaic ideals such as when women were property and owned by their father and then husband. Of COURSE I think that is ridiculous. I'm repeating again what I said above in reply to Chelsea, when I was referencing the crazy people, I meant the extreme feminists. The extreeeeeeeeeeeeeme ones ;)
DeleteI've been reading every day, Rave, just too busy at work to comment! Your blog is my favorite, because you keep it real and say what everyone else is thinking. You're a good Momma and wife, Raven, keep it up! My email is still the same - let me know if you need it again.
DeleteLove this Post! I feel that the description of an american Man also fits my husband, but not in the same way that it fits yours. My husband works his ass off everyday at work and has two college degrees's, unfortunately he does not earn enough to enable me to stay home. I am the breadwinner in my family and work 10 hours a day Monday through Friday. When we got married we both paid for our rings and the wedding. He would love to be able to make enough so that i could stay home with our baby but that is just not the cards we were dealt. I fell in love with my husband for the man that he is, not for what he could provide for me. But he is a wonderful man and an amazing father and works very hard. I am very glad i didn't pass up the chance to spend my life with him just because he couldn't afford to buy me dinner.
ReplyDeleteThis.Post.Is.Amazing. And seriously, men like that are a rare breed. I have two girls and can only pray I have a son someday so I can raise him to be just like my husband.
ReplyDeleteLove this – my dad worked growing up (still does) my momma was a stay at home mom. and that is a TOUGH job, both of them. They are the MOST amazing people I respect them both sooo much and because the way I grew up, i cannot wait to be a mommy one day (you know, after the I do’s and all!) To be a wife and to be a mommy is what I aspire to be more than anything, it is my dream. Not to take over the world in my current career etc. I just can only hope and pray I am as LUCKY (yes I said it!!) as YOU and my OWN mommy to financially be able to stay at home with my babes one day and to live off one salary, you know? xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteSlow clap anyone?! Excellent post Raven:) I agree with you 1000%
ReplyDeleteThis is my life to a T. I grew up with a real man for a dad and was lucky to find a manly marine who stole my heart. I laugh bc one of my friends is dating this total girly-man who has dainty petite hands and is such a feminine man. It drives me craaaaaazy.
ReplyDeleteLove this!
ReplyDeleteThis is great. I think I'm going to save it to reread. -Hanna Marie
ReplyDeleteI am not as "traditional" as you, but I really enjoyed this. That's the type of man I have too and the type of man I love. Great post girl.
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing.
ReplyDeleteLove. I feel the same about all of those things. My husband and I don't have children yet, but I know he would support me in my decision to be a stay-at-home mom. I had a very similar conversation with him 2 days into our relationship. I laid everything I expected out of life and a partner on the table and said that if he wasn't on the same page then there wasn't a point in moving forward. 5 years later, we couldn't be happier.
ReplyDeleteYou mention that you each tell each other what to do at times and you listen. Again, this is something that happens in our marriage as well. One major gripe I have is when a man is called a pussy or considered whipped by other men when he listens to his wife. When he respects her wishes. When he treats her the way she deserves to be treated. If a woman does this she is being a good wife. If a man does this, he has no backbone? No. If a man does this it means he knows the worth of the woman he is with and respects her. (Of course, I'm referring to the wife who makes reasonable requests and is not a cray cray nutbag.)
I agree with most of your post, but I think we've met very different feminists. I feel like your version of a feminist is basically just a crazy bitter man-hater, and I have met very few of those. Feminism doesn't mean you don't want to be treated like a lady or wooed or whatever. It just means that women are "equal" to men. Not to say that men and women can do all of the same things... to me it just means that each thing we bring to the table is equally important. Does that make sense?
ReplyDelete"It just means that each thing we bring to the table is equally important."
DeleteYES. YES YES AND YES to that. Totally agree 1000%!
I love this post, although I don't agree with all of it. My husband is a "real man". But other than the military thing and being deployed, he doesn't shoot guns. We much prefer the city. We prefer our coupes over trucks. But I know what you mean. I do think "real men" are becoming rare. Men who go out and work hard for their family. Men who pursue their women and treat them good. Men who encourage their wives to be whatever they want to be. And for me, it's not a stay at home wife or mom. I like being a nurse. Whatever my heart desires (within reason)- my husband is down. That's a real man to me. But I know what you mean. I feel blessed to have a "real man". But I do think everyones definition is a bit different. Great post.
ReplyDeleteYeah I didn't mean for everything to be taken 100% literal. My husband rarely shoots guns, would much rather put on a polo and play golf. I just meant the general gist of it ;)
DeleteShut Up! We shouldn't take what you write to be bible? Shut the Front door! Why didn't you tell us sooner???
DeleteHaha! This is the first time I have read threw the comments. They crack me up.
Amen! This is perfectly, beautifully written. I'm so thankful that I found my "american man" who respects me as his equal, yet treats my like a princess.
ReplyDeletePreach sister! I married a country boy cowboy who drives a pickup truck and loves his dog...definitely an American Man :)
ReplyDelete100% My Husband, he works over time every week, works weekends when needed. Although I don't get the chance to be a "full-time stay at home mom" I still get to do it part time. Also, my husband tells me what to do, and as I do to him, does he do it? Sometimes. All in all this was a great post. possibly one of my favorites to date. Plus it doesn't help we get to see a pic of that cute husband of yours.
ReplyDeleteI agree with this. I feel I am an empowered woman but I do love a gentleman! I plan to teach my boys (as i would if i had daughters) not to go around dating every other thing that looks good, but to get to know a person before you put yourself too much out there so that you can determine whether or not that person is worth your time and energy. I will teach them to love, honor and respect his spouse and to not take anything less than that in return. A family is a team and everyone has to work together and make choices together for the benefit for that team.
ReplyDeleteBeing a SAHM is hard and valuable just as a working mom is hard and valuable, women need to support each other rather than telling each other what to do. Womens empowerment is about making the choice that is best for you and your family.
well said Ashley ;)
DeleteI agree with you 100%. What I took away from this is you need to balance each other out and respect each others roles as a couple. I think the biggest problem most couples have is communicating what they expect out of their partner...
ReplyDeleteTHIS. I love this. I thank God every day I spent half of my upbringing in the south, and went to school in the south, because if I'd stayed in southern california for all of it, I never would have realized what a true man is. I get made fun of all the time for my taste in men by my California friends. I like a guy with dirt under his fingernails, dressed in jeans and a baseball hat much more than a guy in a suit with perfectly coiffed hair who doesn't know how to do very basic things, like work a grill, set up a tent, shoot a gun (maybe not so basic, but you get my drift). And I also get into debates all the time with my girlfriends here about who should pick up a tab. It should ALWAYS be the man, until you get to a point where you're in a committed relationship and all that jazz. I don't require my boyfriend to take me anywhere fancy (his idea of fancy is the restaurant at Bass Pro anyway) but it's the meaning behind the gesture that matters. Thank you for being so brace to put this out there and stand up for what you believe in!
ReplyDeleteThis is spot on. My husband orders for me when we are out, because that is what I believe a gentlemen does.
ReplyDeleteI love my American man. I don't know how someone could want different, but that's just me. I love, love, love this post!
ReplyDeleteYou have put my "perfect" guy into words!!! He doesn't have to be perfect just perfect for me!! That is the exact type of guy I'm looking for. Let me just say that DATING SUCKS!!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I think the trust testament to a real man is his unfailing faithfulness to taking care of his family. I don't have a family yet but I know that my husband is that man. He never makes me feel wrong about my want to stay home when we have kids. He makes me feel safe and protected and I value that. Marriage is hard - but a "real" man makes it easier.
ReplyDeleteAs always - spot on lady.
I absolutely love this. It is so refreshing. I married an "American Man" myself. & I never would've settled for anything less. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteGreat post really appreciate the part with dating.. It's very true
ReplyDeleteAgree completely!!! Real men are hard to find (I'm grateful for mine), but real women are hard to find too.
ReplyDeleteYES! My mom stayed at home and sadly my parents came to resent each other so I told myself I'd be independent and take care of myself so I'd never be in that position. I didn't want guys to open doors or buy me things or ever think I expected anything from them. I wouldn't even accept help. Somewhere along the line, I experienced a wakeup call and realized that by acting that way, I was the one contributing to the decline of real men. Maybe it hurt my pride to accept their help, but it hurt their desire to even try if I rejected it. I too am now happily married to a real man and we accept life for what it is and serve each other how we can.
ReplyDeleteLove this post and the fact that you have the guts to post things like this! If I had time to read through the 40+ comments, I would, because some of the negative responses are just plain funny. My husband and I joke about him being 'unmanly' because he isn't interested in sports, but he serves in the military, spends more than enough time in the gym, and provides for and protects his family, so I think he makes up for it! He appreciates what I do as a stay at home mom, even if that means helping out around the house sometimes. I think we are equal in the fact that we each have our own roles in the family, and they are equally important.
ReplyDeleteHaving spent time with Rob, I can say that the paragraph above describes him to a T. He really is a hard-working guy (who has to deal with Raven every day, talk about exhausting) and would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
DeleteAmen sister. I like it all.
ReplyDeleteI wish I would have warned my hubby that I would like to stay home with our baby girl. I would LOVE to, but we can't afford it.. so that's that.
I like what you say about him coming home, and putting his feet up and you being okay with that, because he works hard. I like that you each tell the other what to do. Hell yes you do! I never did much dating.. but I agree that a man should pay for the first date, at least. They are usually the one pursuing the lady.. so they should pay.
No marriage is perfect, all marriages include fights.. it's just what you take away from a fight and how you get over it. The key to our marriage is.. well two things. Communication and Trust. We communicate all the time about everything. And, we trust the other wholeheartedly.
This post absolutely embodies how I feel, how I was raised, and all I believe in!
ReplyDeleteThis is why I am not married, it seems like guys like that don't exist anymore. They are not willing to chase, not willing to act respectful and make the first move.
ReplyDeleteExactly how I feel about my hubs as well! It's crazy to me how many people don't get that your definition of a "real man" might be different from their definition. I just happen to be "traditional" like you when it comes to my definition I guess. Great post!
ReplyDeleteLoved this! I am traditional when it comes to relationships and the roles of men and women, and I like it that way. :)
ReplyDelete"a money hungry gold digging honey?" you kill me. Someday I'm going to be the sugar momma and Chris is going to stay home with our future kiddos bc he's the nurturing one. I can't wait for this day. Maybe he'll write a post just like this called "A Real Woman" lol. I'm a little drunk. TGIF Raver, TGIF.
ReplyDeleteOne word ... AMEN!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Only if I were to stay at home and feed our future children I'm sure we would all starve. I am a terrible cook.
ReplyDeleteI think the definition of "empowered" is unique to the woman. What makes you feel powerful is different to each person. My husband I have similar philosophies, though. Feminists can suck it.
I LOVE this. I am not married yet but that is exactly that kind of man that I want my future husband to be. I think it is great that you are so bold about what you believe. Amazing!
ReplyDeleteYou go girl!
ReplyDeleteI love this!!!! Well said & on point!
ReplyDeleteDon't takes things so literal ladies, geeeeeez!
By far one of my favorite posts!!!!! And I couldn't agree more with every. single. word. My husband is a rare gem of a man who has old school values and treats me the way my Father always told me a woman should be treated by a man. They are a rare commodity and one to always be appreciated fo sho!
ReplyDeleteI read that quote and it was like Will had said it himself. Amen to ALL of this. I'd much rather have a real man than all the sissies running around these days. PS. I totally sent you an FB request, since you led me to your FB page ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm getting all caught up on my blog reading for the week. You are my favorite. I love this post. I love this type of man. I married an all American man and it's the best. Cheers :)
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ReplyDeleteCó Hinh Nhi bảo vệ hắn, hắn đương nhiên là kiêu ngạo rồi, nhưng nếu không có Hinh Nhi ở bên cạnh hắn, ngươi có tin chúng ta cho hắn một cái bạt tai, hắn cũng không dám đánh lại không?
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