DON'T QUOTE THE RAVEN: Things I heard while dressed as a chicken

Things I heard while dressed as a chicken

1.29.2013

Labels: best of, blog friends, chicken costume at the airport, humor

So the backstory real quick:

Bre and I have been blog friends since last March. It started as a comment here and there, then facebook messaging, then texting, one FaceTime sesh and next thing I know, she is booking her ticket from Sacramento to come stay the weekend with me.

Quite like myself, Bre is pretty f*ucking hilarious. (snort) And I knew I wanted to do something when I picked her up at the airport, something that conveyed exactly how I felt about our friendship. Hence, the chicken costume idea was born.

She flew into Portland, Oregon, which is about a four hour drive from my house. I knew I wouldn't be able to take a few swigs of liquid courage since I had to turn around and drive back home, which trust me, did not sit well with me. Because despite what some may think, I can get very self-conscious, least not while walking around a public place in a freaking chicken costume.

So yeah, I was pretty embarrassed. And it didn't even matter that my entire face was covered and no one would even know it was me (not to mention we were in Portland and no one would recognize me anyway) but still.

Anyway, I pushed through the mortification of it all because I knew it would be amazing. Epic. And I couldn't wait to see the look on her face once she realized it was me under that beak. So I parked my car at the airport, grabbed my costume and made my way to baggage claim.

And below are a few memorable things I heard whilst dressed as a chicken.

********************************************

From the security guard, while standing at the entrance to the airport, holding my enormous chicken head in my hands (I didn't actually put it on until right before she got off the plane):

"Well, you don't look suspicious or anything."

From many people (after I had put the costume on):

"can I get a picture with you?"

From two little kids, VERY loudly, causing everyone in the entire baggage claim area to turn and stare:

"oh my gosh! Mommy! It's a chicken! A chicken mommy! What is the world is a chicken doing here!?"

From two guys, about 20 years old, after they walked past, asked how I was doing, and I responded "pretty good!" (remember they couldn't see my face):

"oh shit! It's a chick in there! That's not a dude!"

because clearly most people expected some class clown male underneath.

From another security guard:

"this is the best thing I've seen since another guy picked up his friends in nothing but a thong bathing suit!"

Oh, and I made one little girl cry.

And then for the finale. When Bre first came down the escalator. I saw her out of the corner of my chicken eye, I had my camera on record, ready to capture her reaction which I had been anticipating all day. I assumed she would walk right past me (thinking to herself "who is this idiot dressed as a chicken?"), look around for my face, then be confused as to where I was. I thought she would have inner dialogue with herself like "ok, so where is she? Is she late? I don't see her anywhere. There is no way she can be that person dressed as a chicken. I mean, can she? No. No way. She would never do that. But then again, would she?"

And then after looking for me in vain, she might approach me, circle around me a few times, start chuckling a little, and finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I remove my chicken head and she busts up laughing, unable to control herself and I would have an amazing video to show you guys which would most definitely start trending on youtube.

Except. That totally didn't happen.

It went more like this:

Bre first comes down the escalator, spots me right away (obviously), whips out her camera phone, takes a picture of me, sends it to me, walks right up to me, and says in a very matter of fact way, "so how long are you going to make me stand here before you tell me it's you."

Really?!?

That's it?! Talk about not the reaction I was expecting! I wanted something grandeur, amazing, epic, at the very least, BLOG WORTHY!

And so, I digress.

Btw. I asked her how she knew it was me right away, and she deadpanned

"Because who ELSE would be crazy enough to dress up in a chicken suit at the airport."

Oh.

Yeah.