DON'T QUOTE THE RAVEN: If you really knew my husband

If you really knew my husband

9.10.2012

Labels: best of, humor, husband, if you really knew me, if you really knew my husband

A couple weeks ago, I did one of those wildy popular "if you really knew me" posts. So one night, as I was sipping on a vodka soda watching Big Brother, I thought to myself, "self, you should do one of those posts, but about Rob."

Genius, I thought to myself.

I look over at Rob, give him my best come hither eyes, and say, "hey Rob, what is something people would know if they really knew you?"

His immediate response?

"Raven, I'm not playing your stupid blogging game."

me: "it's not a stupid game. Please, just answer the question."

No.

Seriously? Why not?

No.

Fine then. If you're gonna be like that, I'll do it myself. And so I did. I sent out a mass text message to those who really know him well, i.e. my sisters, mom, and his closest nephew, asking them "what would people know if they really knew Rob?"

Below are their answers (which are pretty accurate) along with a few peppered in from yours truly.

If you really knew my husband...

* you would know that he's a hard worker. If he lost his business today, he would be out tomorrow making money somehow. Laziness is definitely not an option for him.

* if he's your friend, he will do anything for you. Anything.

* he is a very good son-in-law. (thanks mom)

* he is passionate about his boys.

* he likes his home to look like a model home. (thanks again mom, for bringing up a very sensitive subject between us. Talk about a bone of contention. Btw, it never looks like a model home.)

* he has a very dry sense of humor (hence why I ~~slept with him~~ married him)

* he drinks Coors Light and Crown Royal religiously. I have never seen him order anything else while out at a bar. Ever.

* he draws epic pictionary drawings. And by epic, I mean one time his word to draw was "chin." And his game partner couldn't guess it. That's how "epic" his drawing was. Chin!!

* he doesn't care much for pro sports but lives and breathes for college sports. In his own words, "pro athletes are spoiled rotten babies. You guys make over 10 million a year so quit whining."

* he hates when girls wear tons of makeup. When I asked what he thought about that he said, "Raven, don't ask stupid questions when you already know the answer."

* his dream girl is (in his exact words) "any gal with a tight ass, sweet t*ts, good body and over the age of 24." I would comment on this but I don't think I need to. Side eye.

* when I asked him what he thought about my blogging, he said he "didn't like it." He said I spend too much time on the computer and that "work comes first, play comes later." When I told him that I partly think of blogging as work because I make a little bit of money, he replied "oh yay, you made enough this month that maybe we can all go out and eat at McDonalds."

* did I mention he has a very dry sense of humor?

And finally, just like last time, I turned to my sister Boobie, who knows me very well and knows my husband almost just as well.